Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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