are you so shy because you have an std?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
