He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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