we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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