if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
