she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
