you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
