I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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