She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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