does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
