Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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