So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
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I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
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