Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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