dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
