I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
is wine microwaveable?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
