yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
