Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Panties = found
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
