she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
