Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
