We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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