The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Can you bring me the toilet please
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
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