FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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