??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
