still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
He called his prostate his "boner button".
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
