are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
We left the knife in your bed.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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