Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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