He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize