I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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