If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Randomize
