Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
