The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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