She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
