its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
