did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
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When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
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I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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