Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
