God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
