Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
When are your genitals available?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
