I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
