my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
