Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
