My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
