she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
