dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
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she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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