bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
