Fine. I'll sleep in my office
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
third nipple confirmed
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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