Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
