I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
They took my balls.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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