a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
