so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
