In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
