it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Actions speak louder than pants.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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