u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
