I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
