dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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