kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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