im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
