I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
