I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
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