Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
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Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
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How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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