Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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