How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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