$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
