But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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