A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
