Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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