jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
