I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
