"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
false alarm, still single
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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