If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
