He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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