I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
