I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
