I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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