Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
The struggles of a small town man whore
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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