hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Randomize
