felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
