i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
