It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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