I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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