I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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