id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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