I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
