My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
