After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
