He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
